Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize