Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
They are going to name an STD after you.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
