Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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