I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
