Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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