If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
