My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
