Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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