but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
