so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
this beer tastes like vomit already
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
