i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
