piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Fuck me I smell like cheese
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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