I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
