how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
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