this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
