Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
