I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
You're breaking my sexual little heart
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
