3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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