I just pynch a tree in the face
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
