i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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