Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
