saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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