i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
they're like a gay fantastic four
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
