What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
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