Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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