Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Well apparently he's into motor boating.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
