Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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