We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
