Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
