did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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