Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
