How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
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I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
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Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
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