Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
