so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
