I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
