I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
