Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
oh god the rape fog is back!
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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