oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
