they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize