i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
