Your dad touched me again.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
