i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
there is puke in my bra ... again
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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