when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
