Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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