So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
