i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
