Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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