he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
