i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
