Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
