did you get engaged???
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
