I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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