I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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