I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Randomize
