need another drink. this is the easiest way
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
