How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
