You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Randomize
