Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
