i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
