I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
