Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
