I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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