So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
