I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
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All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
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It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world