HIV tests are more positive than that guy
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.