I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
