You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
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I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
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I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.