i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
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I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
the evidence from last night is not good...
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
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I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.