Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."