Texts From Last Night

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  (646): View more from New York

  My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay

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  (646): My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay http://tfl.nu/aqwf
  Replies (6) Good night (623) Bad night (748) Order T-Shirt
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant

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  (440): wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant http://tfl.nu/01g1
  Replies (54) Good night (1230) Bad night (15573) Order T-Shirt
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap

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  (541): So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap http://tfl.nu/9u2o
  Replies (31) Good night (908) Bad night (4271) Order T-Shirt
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  (214): View more from Texas

  I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.

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  (214): I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me. http://tfl.nu/aut7
  Replies (15) Good night (805) Bad night (3199) Order T-Shirt
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  (864): View more from South Carolina

  she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.

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  (864): she really just asked how mermaids reproduce. http://tfl.nu/5doz
  Replies (41) Good night (3621) Bad night (733) Order T-Shirt
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike

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  (419): i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike http://tfl.nu/sgnh
  Replies (23) Good night (1062) Bad night (7265) Order T-Shirt
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it

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  (603): Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it http://tfl.nu/mjt1
  Replies (17) Good night (6931) Bad night (926)
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  (831): View more from California

  high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.

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  (831): high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth. http://tfl.nu/l561
  Replies (3) Good night (1467) Bad night (468) Order T-Shirt
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life

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  (215): From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life http://tfl.nu/t68e
  Replies (2) Good night (1151) Bad night (490)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.

  (972): View more from Texas

  Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.

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  (817): Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift. (972): Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking. http://tfl.nu/jm0q
  Replies (23) Good night (2509) Bad night (542)
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  (253): View more from Washington

  He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.

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  (253): He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina. http://tfl.nu/0nhv
  Replies (8) Good night (754) Bad night (272) Order T-Shirt
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to

  (302): View more from Delaware

  yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich

  (302): View more from Delaware

  wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in

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  (603): I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to (302): yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich (302): wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in http://tfl.nu/z48g
  Replies (9) Good night (551) Bad night (207)
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  (916): View more from California

  Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?

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  (916): Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick? http://tfl.nu/xs5h
  Replies (2) Good night (340) Bad night (171) Order T-Shirt
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  (571): View more from Virginia

  A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place

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  (571): A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place http://tfl.nu/vals
  Replies (5) Good night (1089) Bad night (168) Order T-Shirt
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.

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  (715): Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk. http://tfl.nu/dnee
  Replies (2) Good night (158) Bad night (638) Order T-Shirt

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