No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?