hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
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