Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
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He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
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Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
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